Neha Masurkar, Psychologist
Parenting is the process of raising a child and developing emotional, cognitive, and motor skills in them. Parenting can be the most rewarding and the most challenging job in the world. Parenting has never been easy. But the widespread adoption of smartphones and the rise of social media has introduced a new wrinkle to the challenges of parenthood. In fact, a majority of parents in India including those who have at least one child under the age of 18, but who may also have an adult child or children – say that parenting is harder today than it was 20 years ago.
Major Challenges Faced by Parents Today
The following are the challenges faced by parents today in their journey of parenting:
Personality Factors – Many parents face the challenges directly related to internal characteristics of one or more of their children. Things like being too easily influenced, being defiant, being hypersensitive, or being disorganized.
Maturation – Another major challenges would be dealing with their children growing up. This is in the context of older children (14+), and included ideas like driving, dating, entering a new school, less parental oversight, etc.
Time – As with the everyday challenges, having a hectic schedule is also considered as one of major challenge for some families. Time is the issue for most parents who are unable to manage time and are not able to give enough time to themselves either because of their children or work schedules.
Co-parenting – The primary challenge of single parents with joint custody is how to overcome their ex-spouses’ negative influence on their children. Their personal fights between each other effect the personality and behaviour of the child.
Health – Most of households do not see health and wellness as a major challenge; however children from disturbed families show reduced life expectancy. This can be a major challenge to parents.
Work – Several of the households deal with major challenges in their careers. Having to travel for work, long working hours, starting a new business and trying a new career can be very challenging with little ones around. Unable to give quality time for children can impact their mental health.
Dealing with Major Challenges
The “Relationship” model – Parents often considered their relationship with their child as a resource for dealing with (or at least mitigating) major challenges. Some parents share openness they have with their children, while others try to improvise to set the example for their children. This approach seemed more relevant to families with older children (10+) who acknowledged the lack of control they have over the minutia of their children’s lives.
The “Personal Growth” model – Parents regularly identified themselves as the object of change. They indicated they needed to learn how to “pick battles” or “relax.” It is clear that the parents see facing these challenges as a matter of their own personal growth and development, instead of trying to alter their child or his/her circumstances.
The “Leadership” model – helping the child live and model leading a team as a parent would do sets a great example for the children to understand the work of the parent along with personal development on need to have leadership qualities.
Teach the child to face life courageously- Remember that taking too much care of even a child may make him crippled. A bit of resistance, struggle, turns out to be a blessing for a child’s talent to develop. Teach the child to face life and failure courageously. Always motivate the child before facing any challenge, and never criticize for any failure. Instead, ask them about what lesson they learned or how would they do it next time.
Don’t control; Shower Love from the heart –
This is most important role of parents. When you speak to your children, it should not be with an authoritative tone. For example, if a child gets 60 % marks and shows to the father, the father should say that ‘It is good that you have passed the exam, but this is not sufficient. I expect from you that you get 85 % and become a good engineer’, then leave the topic. After that, don’t keep on reminding him that you told him to get good marks. He will have it in his mind. If you keep on nagging, he will ignore your words.
After a few months, when you see his results, if he gets 75 %, then encourage him saying, “Your marks have increased. You have a very high potential to excel. If you concentrate more, I am sure, you can reach great heights. I am confident that you can get 85 % to 90 %”, and leave the topic. It is important to encourage the child.
Whenever they make mistakes, explain